Personal Hell
by 1002alle
Summary: Aria and Ezra are married and living in NYC. When tragedy strikes and Aria looses all hope, can Ezra and her 2 children help her through it? Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**N/A: Ok, so this is my first** ** _published_** **fanfiction. I have always loved Ezria, so I decided to write one about their life after Rosewood. Please R & R, and thanks for reading. **

Aria's POV

My eyes fluttered open and I saw my beautiful children still in my arms. Last night there was a big thunder storm, and all my children had slept in with me and Ezra. I turned my head to see Ezra staring back at me. His hand was on the curve of my hip, and his beautiful blue eyes were trailing my hazel ones. I turned my body so that I could face him, as I pressed myself against him. Our son was beginning to stir, but Lily was still sound asleep on the other side of me. I placed my head so that Ezra's chin rested on my head. His muscular arms tightened around me as I got closer and closer.

I remember when we were living in Rosewood, before moving here to New York City. We had to keep everything a secret, it was so nice to be out in the open. We were traveling back to Rosewood for Christmas which was in a week or so. Our anniversary had just passed, on November 13th, and Ezra's present to me was tickets for our flight there. We were a _little_ strapped for money. Two english majors in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the world, okay a little more than just a _little_ strapped. Yet soon I was back in reality with Ezra, his warm hand tangled in my hair.

Before Ezra and I got anywhere in the pitch black of the winter morning, Wyatt was up. "Good morning mommy!" the 4 year old yelled as he jumped on the bed. Ezra and I sighed as he began to wake up Lily.

"Good morning," I said as I smiled at him, bringing him in for a hug. Ezra sat up and rubbed his eye with the back of his wrist. His baby blue t-shirt running up high on his side. I chuckled and pulled it down from where I was laying down.

"Daddy!" Lily cried as she woke up. Lily was two and everybody tells me she looks just like me. She had my hazel eyes, whereas Wyatt's eyes are blue, like Ezra's. "It was raining so hard! And there were lightnin' everwhere," the small girl said with wide eyes, and a surprised expression on her face. Ezra placed the little girl on his lap. She has him wrapped around her little finger.

"It's okay, princess," he said, "nothing bad happened, didn't it?"

The little girl shook her head, her little ringlets bobbing up and down. "So you're okay?" Ezra asked. Lily gave him conformation that she was fine.

"Who wants breakfast?" I asked. Both of our little ones started to giggle and all overlapped saying they wanted pancakes. Lily wanted strawberry, and Wyatt wanted chocolate chip. _Another busy morning,_ I thought to myself. Our two perfect babies ran out of the room, turning on all the lights as they went. I sat up, and began to stand up as a horrible nausea came over me.

"Aria?" Ezra asked concerned, "Aria are you okay?" Before I could answer him, I was in our tiny bathroom, barfing out my lungs. He rushed behind me, pulling my hair out of the way of my projectile vomit. "What's wrong?" he asked me.

"I guess I'm just a little off this morning." I said, chuckling. I turned to meet him. Jokingly he said, "At least you're not pregnant," he laughed at his own little joke before changing the topic, and saying, "I'll make the pancakes, you stay in bed."

"Okay." I said.

 _At least I'm not pregnant,_ I thought to myself before falling back asleep under the warm duvet that I could just cuddle under until I felt better.

 **N/A: I was thinking if I get 10 reviews by Monday I'll update by Wednesday. If not, I'll update by Friday. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**N/A: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS! Please R & R.**

I woke up to the sound of Wyatt running down the hallway. He waddles fast, so not exactly running. How long have I slept? I heard Natalie downstairs telling Lily to put her plates in the sink. Natalie was already here? She wasn't supposed to get here until 11:00, she must be early. I looked over at my clock, it was already 12! I couldn't believe my eyes, I jumped out of bed, and had to keep some bile down. I felt dizzy, but nothing I wasn't able to handle with some tea, and some ginger cakes.

I made my way down the stairs, I was still in my pajamas, and I wanted to stay in bed, but I knew I had to get up.

"Hi Nell," I said to Natalie as I walked into the kitchen. The smell of bacon was overwhelming, and I had to once again keep stifle my sickness. She smiled at me and cleaned off Lily's sticky face.

"I heard you weren't feeling so well," she handed me a mug of tea, "so I made you some peppermint tea, always helps when I'm sick,"

"Thank you Nell," I said, pulling my dark brown hair into a ponytail. After drinking the tea, and I felt a little better. I sat down, and scarfed down the food Ezra had made earlier this morning. I wanted him more than anything, I wanted him to hold me, and tell me I would be all better tomorrow. Lily came over to me with a big smile on her face, and handed me a drawing she had made earlier. It was "me and you, and Wyatt, and Daddy," she pointed to each of us when she said our names. She had drawn us with green grass underfoot, and a yellow sky above us.

I lifted Lily into my lap, and gave her a big kiss, "Its beautiful!" I told her. She triumphantly hung the picture on the fridge with a purple magnet. Purple was her favorite color, her walls, her blankets, the clips she sometimes wore in her hair, all purple. I picked her up, and handed her over to Natalie, who took her with no hesitation. "I'm going to get dressed," I told her, "and head over to Ezra's office."

Soon, I was in my favorite dress, red and black, and knee high boots. I picked up my car keys, and got in my car. I was headed on the highway, when suddenly, out of nowhere came a car, fast, and wreckless. Then it all went black. Nothing.

* * *

Ezra's POV

I was sitting in my office when I got the call. Aria had been in an accident. Thats not possible, Aria is such a careful driver, did she get into the car while she was feeling sick? My god! I rushed to the hospital as fast as I could, she had to be okay.

I ran from my car into the E.R, where I found a doctor who took me to her. She was unconscious, cuts in her face, on her arms, bandages everywhere. Another doctor came into the room, and asked who I was.

"Oh, Mr. Fitz," she said, clearing her throat, "Aria was involved in a head on collision with another vehicle, it's amazing two of them made it," the doctor told me.

"Two? Them?"

"Where you aware that your wife was pregnant? She was having twins." she said to me. At this I was taken aback. That wasn't possible, Aria would have told me, right?

"Did they make it?" I asked the doctor, my voice choked with tears that threatened to spill over my cheeks at any moment.

"We believe one might, we are monitoring the child-"

"Only one, what happened to the other one?" I asked, it seemed that all the air in the room had suddenly been sucked out of the room. I had to sit down, my head hurt, and I just wanted to break down. The doctor placed her hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry," she said, "Aria should wake up soon, if you need anything, pull the red cord," she said pointing to the cord on the side of the bed.

I sat by Aria, holding her hand, until her hazel eyes fluttered open.

"Ezra?" she asked, "What happened?"

 **N/A: Please tell me what you thought about this? How will Aria take the news? How about Ella and Byron?**


	3. Chapter 3

**N/A: I don't own any of these characters. Please rate and review! Hope you like this chapter.**

"Oh! Aria!" I cried, "you woke up!" I embraced her, but she didn't hug me back. She was staring off into space until she looked back at me and once again asked what happened. A tear came to my eye, and I instantly wiped it away. I didn't want to make her any more scared than she had to be.

"What's wrong? Am I going to die?" she asked, an expression of terror coming over her face.

"NO! Of course not!" I said, she relaxed a little bit.

"Then why are you crying?" she asked. She looked up at me with wide eyes. She gave me those deer in the headlights eyes that Lily sometimes did, and I realized how young she was on the inside at this moment. She looked like a bewildered toddler, who didn't know what was going on. Her mind was probably racing, a million horrible thoughts coming into her mind. "Please," she said, tears on her face, "Ezra, tell me." I held her hand, and looked into her eyes.

"You..." I paused, "Maybe the doctor should tell you..." I said. She shook her head, and I knew I _had_ to tell her. "You were in a car accident. Aria did you know?"

"Know what"

"About the babies."

"About the what?" she cried.

"You were pregnant...with twins." I said, holding her hand tight in mine. She began to sob, and she asked me the one question I didn't know how to answer.

"I...I _was_?"

I recounted the information the doctor had told me. It wasn't until I was done that I realized how cold that sounded. I brought Aria's petite body to mine, and let her cry into my chest, as I held her. I don't know if she could breathe, my grasp was so tight. "I killed it..." she said through the sobs. "It's all my fault..." she said.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed. She thought this was _her_ fault. There was no way she could blame this on herself. "It isn't your fault, a drunk driver smashed into you." This didn't help at all. She just continued to cry, and blame herself, and nothing I could do would stop her. I watched the love of my life fall apart. Behind me, I heard a small voice say, "Mamma..." It was Lily, who was being carried by Natalie, Wyatt behind her, hiding behind her legs.

The little girl rushed over to where I was, and right into my arms, Aria looked at her like she was something she had never seen before. "Why are you sad?" Lily asked Aria. She wrapped her little arms around Aria's neck, and Wyatt, now also on the tiny hospital bed, mimicked his sisters actions. Aria began to cry even harder, as she hugged her two small children like they were the only things keeping her anchored to reality...

 **N/A: Tell me what you think in the comments. I'd love to get a couple more reviews before posting the next chapter! Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**N/A: Sorry I didn't update in so long, the Algebra I test is close, and I have to study. SORRY! Please R &R! BTW, I don't own these characters, I simply love them!**

Ezra's POV

Sitting next to Aria in the car, I almost started to cry. She was being so hard on herself. Her dark hair was disheveled and her hazel eyes red and puffy. Somehow she was still the most beautiful woman in the entire world. The traffic on the bridge was horrible, and we had been sitting in silence for almost an hour.

"Ezra!" she cried, sobbing into my shoulder. I held her with one arm, the other on the steering wheel. "Ezra, how did this happen?" She held me close, and continued, "How can I ever face you, face our children, face this baby!" she motioned to her stomach.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I cried, "But its not your fault! It's that drivers!"

"NO ITS NOT!" she screamed, some people in other cars were looking at us, but I didn't care. "ITS ALL MY FAULT! I killed it, I killed our baby. I can't do this! I don't _deserve_ to be here!" Aria began to hyperventilate.

"Aria, please. I want you to think about our two beautiful children in there, in our house, and our baby on the way, and I want you to remember that you _absolutely_ deserve to be here, because I love you, our children love you, and our baby, here, loves you. And our baby, who is no longer with us, _loves you_. And you DO DESERVE to be here right now!"

Aria turned away and looked out of the window. I couldn't stand to see her like this. Soon we were pulling into our driveway, and getting out of the car. The sun was down, and the kids should have been in bed, but I told Natalie to let them stay up until we got there. Being flu season, Lily and Wyatt weren't allowed to visit her. They hadn't seen their mom in almost two weeks.

"MOMMY!" they screamed, running into her arms. Suddenly Aria's entire disposition changed. There was a beautiful smile on her face. After we tucked them in, and were in bed together for the first time since she was in the accident.

"I'm sorry about what I said," Aria whispered while we were in the dark, my hand was on her arm, "I didn't mean it, I just...I just feel like I killed her, like I killed my baby, and that it's all my fault," her face was wet with tears, "I realize that I should focus on my living babies, who I love, but I miss her, I feel like I deserted her."

"It's ok, I just, I want you back," I wiped away her tears, "I want my old Aria back," I kissed her and whispered "I love you." I kissed her again, from which she shrunk away.

"Ezra I can't. Please, not now!" she cried.

"That's fine," I whispered, and just let her felt asleep in my arms.

 **N/A: I love this chapter! Please R &R!**


	5. Chapter 5

Aria POV

This morning is bittersweet. I was so happy to be home, but plastering a fake smile when I felt like my soul was dead was so hard. I had to be strong for Ezra, for Wyatt and Lily, for this baby inside of me who will also never know their sister or brother. I could barley move my hands. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, and opened up the door, without remembering turning the copper doorknob.

I made my way into the kitchen where my beautiful dark haired children were eating pop tarts with their amazing perfect father. I placed my little daughter in my arms, and held her tightly. She wrapped her short arms around my neck.

"Mommy?" Wyatt asked. "Isn't it your birthday soon?" I smiled, he remembered. I had forgotten about it, but my 28th birthday was this week. By the look on Ezra's face, he hadn't forgotten either.

"Yes sweetie,"

"What do you want?" Wyatt asked. I told him what I told him every year. I was so happy with just a birthday card, if he made it. He was so sweet, never forgetting anything, he was just like Ezra, so caring. I wish he grows up to be just like him. At the moment, I feel a soft kick coming from my abdomen. I was already 3 months pregnant...with only one child. She, he, looked healthy. The doctors said it he, she, it may not make it. But my baby is resilient. Nothing can stop it.

"Ezra!" I yelled out! I placed his hands on my stomach, and he laughed. I remember how he was when he first felt Wyatt kick. He burst into tears. I think thats when it really sank in that there was a real person in there. After a wonderful breakfast, I told Ezra I was going to get dressed for work.

"You're going to work?!" he asked surprised, "Isn't it a little too early for that?" he asked. I shook my head at him appalled.

"NO! I've been out for weeks, I need to go back. They are having a hard time finding subs!" I turned on my heel and headed up the carpeted stairs. I was left alone with my thoughts. I wish I hadn't left Ezra. I couldn't leave him. When I was in our room, I just sat on the bed, and placed my head in my hands. Tears ran down my face. What would my baby have been like? Why would I drive when I was sick? How could I have done that, I'm so stupid! The more I thought about it the more I blamed myself. The more I wanted to die. The harder I cried.

"Aria?" I heard Ezra ask from the other side of the door. He walked in and sat down next to me on the bed, he put his arms around me. How could he even bear to look at me? I was damaged, horrible, monster. "Aria, are you okay?" he asked me, looking deep into my eyes. I nodded, still crying silently, tears rolling down my face. He held me for so long. He held me so tight I thought I would pass out. It was strangely comforting. I loved him. How could he love someone like me. Pushing a piece of my hair behind my ear, he smiled at me, and made me feel...loved.

Would I be able to do this? Could I get passed this? I don't know if I could even think about it anymore. I need to put this behind me. But how can I when anytime I look at my family I see the baby? How can I do this?

"I need to get dressed," I told him. I sat up straight, and changed into a black shirt, and grabbed a pencil skirt. I tried to zip it up, but it wouldn't go past my hips. "God dammit!" I screamed, ripping it off. Ezra rushed to me, and pulled out another elastic skirt.

"It's okay!" he said. I began to cry, as he put the skirt on me. He held me in his arms, and rocked me back in forth, telling me everything was going to be okay. And in the first time ever...I didn't believe him.


	6. Chapter 6

Aria's POV

I got out of bed, and looked over at the empty bed I left behind me. I thought about the last week, when I had been sleeping alone, banishing Ezra to the couch. I couldn't be around him right now. I couldn't be around anybody right now. I couldn't see my children. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I couldn't look at Ezra. I couldn't look at my parents, I couldn't even look at the pictures in the hallway.

I silently poured myself a cup of coffee and made myself a waffle by putting it in the microwave because our toaster had been broken and nobody but I had noticed. Ezra was still asleep and was about to fall off the couch, one foot on the floor. He had one arm under a couch pillow, and a smile on his face. He whispered my name, as his expression became more and more troubled. I pushed a curl out of his face and I knew at this moment I was wrong. I wasn't mad at Ezra. I was mad at me. I couldn't believe how I had pushed him away, how I had locked the door of our bedroom so that he couldn't get in.

I turned so he could sleep in peace. I made myself a waffle, and then realized it just wasn't enough. This baby was making me so god damn hungry, and the doctor told me not to drink any coffee, and as I had been harboring an addiction to it from a young age, it was reeking havoc on my ability to function. Or wake up for that matter. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, and as Ezra walked into the room (I had obviously woken him up), I turned to face him. He looked at me with a quizzical look on his face. I ran into his arms, and felt safe in his embrace.

"Your parents are coming today," he said, looking down at me with those eyes. Oh, the color of his eyes were so deep I felt as though I would die looking into them. They conveyed every emotion, spoke every word, without his mouth opening.

"Oh, they are..." I said. I hadn't seen them since the day of the accident. Their kindness made me want to disappear. They loved me even though...everything.

"Yeah, they want to see the kids. Thats okay right?" I looked up at him, and nodded half heartedly.

Ezra's POV

The doorbell rang at about 10:30 am, and I opened it. Outside stood Ella and Byron, bearing coffee and gifts. Ella smiled and hugged me, but Byron just gave me a nod and kept walking. Byron never liked me much, ever since the day he found out about me and Aria. He always thought I was just a phase, but when Wyatt was born unexpectedly, and then Lily, he knew he was stuck with me. I'm not a phase. I am here to stay.

"Hi to you too Byron," I mumbled to myself, shutting the door behind him. Aria hugged her mom and dad, as the kids came running down the stairs to jump into their grandparents arms. They handed them their gifts, which were just sugar highs wrapped in paper. I smiled as Lily tore into the paper and Wyatt carefully undid the tape. Aria looked over at me, as Ella talked to her at 200 miles and hour. I could see Aria trying to keep up with Ella as best she could, which wasn't well. Byron took me to the side.

"Ezra," he said, looking at me sternly, "you have to help her through this. You've never been my favorite person, I'm going to be honest. But thats my little girl, you need to keep her safe," he turned his head to look at her, then turned back to me, and said, "you're the only person who can do it, you're the only one she trusts."

I turned to look at Aria, who was running her long fingers through her hair, and biting her lip ever so slightly. She was beginning to fill out, and even with the healthy glow surrounding her, she looked so stressed, unlike when we had the other two. When we had the other two, she was always smiling, always happy, now she put on a fake smile and laughed as though every time she did so, it was a knife in her heart. I watched her and her mother and thought, maybe this was all my fault. Maybe...it was me.


	7. Chapter 7

Ezra's POV

It was christmas. Everything about this was so unreal. I could see that this was taking a toll on Aria, but she forced a smile. If you didn't know her as well as I did, you wouldn't be able to tell if she was being sincere, but I did know her, so well. The doorbell rang, and I heard Wyatt run for the door. Aria's parents had been staying in a motel for the last 2 weeks. Aria needed her mother here because she was about to have the baby. She was at her past her due date and pretty irritable. She smiled when I did. Laughed when I did. Stayed silent when I did. I felt like she didn't want to be here anymore. Like she wanted out. But out of what, something hadn't been right.

"Hey mom," I heard her say as she opened the door again. Her mother had a hard time hugging her for obvious reasons, and her dad too. They smiled at her, completely unsure of how to act around her. I brushed my fingers through my hair, and came over to where she is. I slid my arm around her. I almost jumped. I forgotten how good it felt to touch her. Her bare skin. She was wearing a beautiful knit top and her hair was brushed to perfection and smelled like rosemary.

Her breathing was very shaky and she kept squeezing her eyes shut, like she was in pain. I looked at her worriedly.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"Yea," she said, "It's just, the lights are so bright in here!" she said. She grasped her stomach and let out a heavy sigh, trying not to show the obvious pain she was in. I began to become even more worried.

"Aria, we should get you to the-"

"Ezra, what the hell-" she yelled, "God! I can't see, everything is blurry!" I looked at Ella and Byron.

"We are going to get you to the hospital," I said trying to act calmer than I actually was.

"Someone has to watch the kids Ezra!" she cried to me. Ella and I nodded and I told Aria that Ella would watch them. I kept her supported until I got her buckled into the car. I jumped in and zoomed past all the cars I could (I got a couple of honks along the way and about 3 people flipping me off). When we finally got to the hospital, Aria was almost in tears, complaining of a horrible headache. I rushed into the ER, and called a doctor over. _Please dear god_ , I thought, _please let her be okay!_

Aria's POV

I woke up to a pounding to my chest. I was so groggy. I think I must have fallen asleep at some point. I looked over to the door. Ezra rushed in, hearing I was awake.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked him.

"Aria," he said, holding my hand, "let the doctor talk to you." I was so confused.

"Ezra," I said, "I just went to sleep, right?" Ezra looked around, I looked down, feeling for my stomach, to find that it wasn't there. "EZRA!" I cried, "WHERE IS MY BABY! EZRA!" I started to sob, sitting up and whipping my head around, and frantically calling out, and screaming. Where was my baby?! He rushed to the door and called for a doctor. The doctor rushed to me. He turned to Ezra and told him that he couldn't give me anything because I was responding horribly to everything. I kept screaming and crying, and Ezra walked to the side of the bed, and yelled.

"ARIA! THE BABY IS FINE! HE'S ALIVE! HE'S IN THE NICU!" Ezra screamed. I looked at him, and my eyes grew wide.

"He?" I asked. Ezra nodded, smiling, "He's fine?" Ezra nodded again. He turned to the doctor, apologizing.

"Ms. Montgomery," he said, "You had a seizure after your husband brought you here. We did some tests after you stabilized, and we found you had Eclampsia, as a result of pre-eclampsia that went untreated during your pregnancy," he looked at Ezra, trying not to look at me.

"Is our son okay?" I asked.

"We're keeping him under watch, he should be okay, but were just making sure. He has a very low birth weight. He's only 4 pounds, 8 ounces." I nodded. "Other than that, he should be fine."

"Thank god!" I sighed looking to Ezra. The doctor nodded and exited, and Ezra ran his fingers through my hair. He kissed my head, my face.

Later we went to see him. He was so perfect.

"What should we name him?" Ezra asked. Our son held onto my index finger.

"I think we should name him James," I joked. I laughed. We weren't ones for J names. But Ezra didn't laugh.

"I like it!" he said.

"Yea?" I asked smiling at him. I mauled it over.

"Hi James Montgomery-Fitz!" I said to him. "Hi."


	8. Chapter 8

Aria's POV

When we got home Lily and Wyatt came running into the room. They were so excited to see their new baby brother. There was a bad flu going around so they weren't allowed to come into the hospital so this was the first time that they had met James.

"Is it a boy?!"

"Is it a girl?!" They asked simultaneously. I nodded towards Wyatt.

"This is James," I said as Wyatt stroked James cheek. I could see Wyatt and James rough housing and Lily looking on and rooting for her little brother. I was so happy to see how much they loved James. I put James in his crib and sat down on the large chair in the corner of the room. Then James began to cry. I sighed in annoyence, it was the first downtime I had in a week. As I picked up James, Ezra told Wyatt to take his sister downstairs to watch TV. Wyatt reluctantly took Lily's hand and led her down the stairs. I looked over at Ezra in wonderment.

"Why did you do that?" I asked in shock.

"Aria," he said standing up, "whats wrong?" I looked at him confused as he took James out of my arms, going over to the little fridge we had in there. He warmed up the milk as he explained.

"Aria, what are you doing? With Wyatt and Lily you were never annoyed like this, why are you wound so tight, it's like your annoyed at _James_ even though I know it's because you're just so tired, but please don't take it out on him. We're all tired, I know how you feel."

"You know how I feel?!" I screamed. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL! EVERY TIME I LOOK AT JAMES I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHAT-" before I could finish I was wrapped in Aaron's arms, with James in between him. When I looked down at James I was horrified by what I felt. I didn't feel _anything_ except for regret and sadness. I began to cry, sobs racked my small frame. Ezra kissed the top of my head. He was so nice to me. I don't know why.

"I just...I just wonder what the other baby would be like, if it was a girl or boy, if it was going to be okay?" I cried out taking James from his arms.

Ezra's POV

"Hanna," I said over the phone, "Aria needs your help, I don't know what it is...but I think she needs her friends." I heard her yell something to her daughter, and came back to the conversation.

"Mr. Fitz, when should I come? Can I bring Sarah?" She asked.

"We've known each other for 10 years, you can call me Ezra."

"Ok...Ezra..."

"Can you call the other girls?" I asked.

"Em is in the Bahamas, but I can call Spencer, she might have to bring her kids though."

"That's fine. The more the merrier. Can you come Saturday?"

"Of course. I'll be there. Bye Mr. Fit- I mean Ezra."

"Bye."

* * *

When I walked into the nursery I saw Aria watching Lily hold James. They were sitting on the rug we had so painstakingly picked out from the store. All the sudden the doorbell rung and I went into the bathroom so that I made sure she answered the door. I left it open a crack and I saw that Aria got up (which took a lot of effort) she made her way to the door, when she went down the stairs I came out of the bathroom just in time to see Hanna and Spencer wrapping their arms around her as Aria screamed in delight. She saw Hanna's daughter Sarah behind the them and Toby holding his 7 month old and his hand on his son Marco's shoulder.

"Oh my gosh!" She said hugging Sarah and Marco, "You guys got so big!"

"I just turned 6!" Marco said, smiling a semi-toothless smile. Then she looked over to the blonde girl in Toby's arms.

"You must be Marion!" Aria exclaimed taking Marion into her arms, "Hi!" The girl smiled and continued to suck on her pacifier.

"This is the first time you met Marion right?" Spencer asked. Aria looked at her and nodded.

"I've been meaning to come to Rosewood to meet her!" Aria said looking to me. I nodded. I came over to Toby and gave him a hug. I saw Aria look at Hanna who now had her daughter in her arms. Sarah reminded me so much of Caleb, but I couldn't bring it up. Caleb had left when Hanna got pregnant with Sarah. He said he just wasn't ready. It took Hanna years to get over it.

All the kids ran off to play together. Marco with Wyatt, Sarah with Lily and Spencer put Marion down for a nap in the nursery with James. Soon I was with Toby in the kitchen as Hanna and Spencer sat with Aria.

"Why are you guys here?" Aria asked her friends.

"We need to talk."

 **N/A: Sorry for the late update! I was on vacation last week and have camp all this week. I've been trying to update but my chapter deleted somehow and I needed to re write it. Sorry for the crappy chapter too and I'll try to update soon.**

 **PS: I kind of feel like no one is reading this anymore, so if you are, can you please comment/review. Thx!**

 **-1002alle**


	9. Chapter 9

_"We need to talk."_

I sat on the couch, a wave of confusion washing over me. I pulled my hair in and out of a ponytail, which was one of my nervous ticks. "Why are you guys really here?" I asked. I knew they weren't here just for a visit, it's a 4 hour drive.

"Look, Ezra is just worried that something is wrong. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" I responded defensively, crossing my arms. They knew me too well for this! "I don't want to talk about it." At that moment Ezra walked in. He sat down next to me, I looked at him. We had been through everything together. I knew I could trust him, but to be honest. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I felt like I was drowning. Everybody was crowding around me. The pressure was to great and I snapped.

"I DON'T KNOW!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, "EVERYTHING!" They were all taken aback by my sudden outburst. I raced out of the house, grabbing my bag, not wanting to face any of them. The blue sky above me wasn't like the blue it always seemed to me. I loved that bright sky, but my eyes only landed on a blue that was so grey I thought it would start to rain any moment. I tried to open the door to my car, but I realized I had left my keys hanging idly on the hook by the door. I looked back on the house Ezra and I had scrimped and saved to buy. Whenever I had looked at it before, it was bright and full of life, now with all of my friends rushing out to find me, I couldn't believe how dull it looked. I started to race down the street. It was the middle of the day and all of the people looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't know any of them. No one did in this city. I raced to the train stop. I swiped my metro card, which just so happened to be in my purse.

 _Please hurry!_ I pleaded with the train. No one was really out and about today, so I had the entire platform to myself except for a teenager groaning over having to read some book for school. I know that move. Hanna did that any time Mr. Fitz would give us another story to read, believe me, she knew how to read. Read texts on her phone. As I was lost in my thought, the Q train came pulling up into the station. It was one of the louder trains, and as it stopped in front of me, it let out a burst of air and I had to cover my ears. The breaks squealed and the doors opened. I rushed onto the train and as the announcer said _Stand clear of the closing doors please,_ I said it quietly along with him. The conductor came over the loud speakers next. _This a Coney Island bound Q train, next stop, Cortelyou._ I know it by heart. I was so tired of fighting with myself, and letting people in, I wanted to do something for me. I went to the conductor's door and looked out the front of the train. I watched the houses go by and the beautiful ivy hanging off the graffitied concrete walls.

* * *

When I finally got to Coney Island I made a b-line for the ferris wheel. I paid my seven dollars for the ticket and got on. I picked one of the swinging cars, I had always the stationary ones boring. The girl who was directing people to their lines had a thick european accent. When I got into the metal box it creaked shut and I noticed a hole big enough to put my foot through in the bottom of it. But this ride always seemed to sooth me. My phone had been going off in my bag for hours and I didn't want to check it. Ezra was probably worried sick about me, he didn't know where I was. But I was enjoying the view. I looked down and saw the Spookarama, which despite the cheesy name, is enough to give a grown man a heart attack. Then I looked out, and all I could think about was how beautiful the beach was. From up here you couldn't see the nasty cigarette butts, or the broken glass, or the dead bodies I had been convinced were under the sand since the first time I had come here years and years ago. All I could see was the piercing blue of the water and the freezing cold wind wiping around me, as I just stayed there up in the sky.

I never wanted to go down to Earth ever again, but as we made another rotation, I knew it was about to end. I closed my eyes for a moment on the decent down, trying to imagine my life any differently. I knew deep down that no matter what, if anything had gone differently, I couldn't have been happier than I was right now. I had the love of my life worried sick about me, 3 kids at home crying out for me to hold them, and several very concerned friends racing down every street in my neighborhood, trying to find me. I picked up my phone and called Ezra.

 _-I'll be home in a couple of hours. Clearing my head. -_ I said.

 _-Aria? Where are you baby? Please come home, I want to make sure you're alright.-_ he all but cried over the phone.

 _-I'm fine Ezra. Just let me be for a minute. I'll be home soon. Love you. -_

 _-No Aria, don't hang~ -_

I cut him off and turned my cellphone off, so I wouldn't be disturbed anymore. I walked down the boardwalk to Coney's Cones, where I spent more than $5 on a large ice cream. Everything was so much more expensive here. When Ezra and I first moved here, we were both shocked at the prices. If you go anywhere other than a dollar store everything is more than double the prices in Rosewood. I missed home. I missed Mike. I missed everybody. I couldn't believe my friends had come all this way just on Ezra's hunch. But what I really couldn't believe was that I didn't go back to meet Spencer's new little daughter. Why didn't I go. She came to see my children, but I couldn't find 3 hours in my life to go see something so important. What kind of friend was I? As I was lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice the hours go by. I was finally pulled out of my thoughts by the fact that the boardwalk wasn't covered in screaming kids anymore, but tattooed men and women with spiky hair and piercings. The dramatic change of Brooklyn at night. It always astounded me. Suddenly I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. Instinctively I kicked, hit, anything. I was a small person. 5' 2'', so I didn't have much more than being able to kick someone in the nuts going for me in the self defense department.

I heard a very familiar groan behind me. Oops. I had just about neutered Ezra.

"How did you find me Ezra?" I asked confused.

"I heard the music in the background..." he managed to say between exclamations of pain. He was keeled over in pain and I felt _really_ bad.

"I'm so sorry!" I said, helping him stand up straight, and to the bench.

"At least I know you can take care of yourself..." he said, forcing a smirk through his winces. I laughed. Before I knew it I was hugging him. Falling into the broad chest.

"I miss you Ezra. I want to get better. I don't know whats wrong with me. I don't know whats going on with me, but all I can feel right now is annoyance, sadness," I cried, "I'm sorry, I love you. I don't tell you that enough-" I started ranting. Ezra smiled, and lifted my chin so that I looked him in the eye.

"Ar, I will get you any help you need. I just need you to come home right now, so that we can get you to bed. You haven't slept in so long.

* * *

I don't remember much. I must have fallen asleep on the cold blue plastic seats underneath the blasting air conditioner. When I woke up, I was in my bedroom, dressed in my favorite of Ezra's T-shirts. My hair was let out and wet, and I smelled like my favorite coconut shampoo. I couldn't believe how heavy of a sleeper I was when I was exhausted. I looked to my left and saw Ezra lightly breathing next to me. I bent over him and kissed his ebony curls. I relished this moment. He stirred a little, but didn't come out of his slumber.

"I love you," I whispered quietly to him. He smiled in his sleep, and I smiled with him. Finally.


End file.
